Junie's Online Thoughts
Saturday, September 21, 2002
Worked at Noodle last night. Had a weird day overall, but it was pretty busy and took my mind off things. Until I got a table full of creepy swingers and one of them kept chatting me up while I just wanted to run, run, run away. Blech. Broke $100, so thats all I ever ask for when working a weekend.
Today Im at the office...Jeremy had to photocopy some books that are due back at the library and I wanted to make sure a disk of my personal writings wasnt in my computer when the VP swapped computers for me. All was well....
Today's a clean up day--Jeremy is doing laundry when we get back, Im cleaning the house and putting away dishes, Jeremy has to remove some of the papers in his office and transfer them from the floor to a box. Things are speeding up.....I had dreams all last night that my sister and father and I were trapped on a train that we had to get off. Stacy asked me, "do you ever feel like your life is about to spin out of control?" I replied, "welcome to my every day." Its funny--she wouldnt ever ask me that sort of question, but thats exactly what Im feeling about my life right now. Im walking the line between just-barely-got-my-shit-together and chaotic-out-of-control-squealing-like-a-baby. I dont imagine this scenario changing anytime soon....or within the next few months.
Monday is my doctor's appointment for my first session of shots. Had to lie to my physician. Of course, these three vaccinations are just part of my routine check-ups. Oh, and Im going to be a student so I need them....it has nothing to do with travelling. (The insurance company finally told me that if I got them from primary physician under the pretext of travelling, they wouldnt cover any of them.) Its not all lies....I very well might be going to grad school when I come back if this criminal investigation thing pans out and I pass my GRES to get into the criminal justice program at GSU. I should have boosters of measles/mumps/rhubella and polio anyway...its been over 25 years. Why shouldnt they cover it while I still have insurance??????
I just looked at the calendar...I really shouldnt do that. The little demons in my head start to whip into a frenzy with lists of things yet completed, yet started, yet planned for. Damn demons.
Friday, September 20, 2002
oooooooooooooooooooooooo bad, bad morning.
Yesterday was better, but full and exhausting. My friend got fired (I will miss you, puss!), there was drama around every corner, and five of us ended up at a happy hour to celebrate birthdays and leavings and alcohol. Before that, my head was all over the place. I've discovered criminal investigation, which seems to be right up my alley. Through a friend of a friend, I found Sam, a criminal investigator with Gwinnett county. He works with the solicitor's office. After a few phone messages, I gave him my email and we chatted for more than an hour about his job, about suggestions and like. We are having lunch next week so I can pick his brain some more and hopefully by then I will be informed enough that I can at least pose some intelligent questions.
Priviate investigators differ from criminal investigators. PIs need special licensing, which takes years and plenty of tests, classes and money. They usually have a broader range of powers in terms of accessability of information, jurisdiction of investigation. CIs usually have a criminal justice or related degree, but its not always necessary. CIs, while they may not have the scope of powers that PIs do, they may have access to criminal databases and have the power to arrest people. Sam said that some can get on the job training where the job will send you through law enforcement training. Essentially, you are training to be a law enforcement agent, and after getting certification, you can moonlight on the side as security at bars, clubs or Kroger-type stores. (But NOT doing free-lance investigation. I guess thats a no-no.) According to Sam, you may even get an undercover car..........ooooooooh yeah.
From what I gather, CIs are typically hired to work with county solicitors, law firms or with police departments. They work regular-ish hours. In his case, he interviews defendants and witnesses, can visit the crime scene, checks out information pertaining to the court case and may do a little surveillance. Im not really clear on how their investigation works with the police department....I guess they do follow up since they would be investigating it long after it actually happened....when it finally made it to court. And Im not really clear on what jobs would be available for someone like me...with no training and no experience. In any case, Im very thankful that he was so gracious and helpful and nice. It would be an understatement to say that Im excited to talk with him next week...when I have my tape recorder and list of questions.
After I spoke to Sam, I started to poke around the web. There is a vat of information on criminal investigations, foresic sciences and the like. Georgia State offers a criminal justice masters program....which may be where Im headed. There is always a struggle in me between knowing I should follow a specific route to learn something and the urge to jump right in and learn as I go. I realize that if this is what I want, I should do it right. It will be beneficial to me to build a strong foundation, to have a M.A. before going on the job market, to take classes and get informed. But a large part of me wants to just find an entry level job, go through law enforcement training, or find a job in a related field----bail enforcement, loss prevention, skip tracer, whathaveyou, and take classes on the nights and weekends. Graduate school is certainly daunting....I know nothing about the process, would have to dedicate at least two years to school (thus not getting a regular day job since it would interfere with classes), would have to take my GREs, would have to apply and hope I got in, would have to sit through a boat-load of classes, re-learn how to write papers....its pretty intense. The other pain is that the timing is all off because of the Ghana trip and my sister's wedding. If I chose to pursue my Masters, I couldnt opt for next fall...I would still be in Ghana in September and then I'd be in Wisconsin over October....and Im assuming that most graduate programs dont want to start students in the spring. Who knows....Ive yet to talk to GSU about the details, but already its going to get really complicated, really quickly. (Not to mention what would happen if Jeremy got the Fulbright for next year....and would want to go back to Ghana after my sister's wedding......ack ack ack.)
So again....a calmer version of a tornado is whipping my head into a frenzy. Im still making calls to other folks, trying to get that illusive ride-along with the police department, trying to talk to some female bounty hunters.....all while making half-assed attempts at preparing for Ghana. Still havent gotten those passport photos, or made calls to storage facilities or packed anything. I did make all of my doctor's appointments. And found a rental car for our trip to MN. And planned my last day at my job and the date of our goodbye party. Thats something, right????
Thursday, September 19, 2002
Things seem to snowball in my life. I fear it will be a wintery fest until we leave-----things speeding up and spinning nearly out of control. Ack.
Jeremy is turning in his grant application today (Fulbright....2nd time's a charm). Granted, it will complicate everything, but it would be really great for him to get this or another big grant. We will see and make plans accordingly. I can barely keep it together for now....there's no sense in conjuring up scenarios of life a year from now when I have no idea what the hell will be going on in my life.
I am meeting with an investigator next Friday for lunch. He works with a friend of a friend, who is a county solicitor. He's a P.I. and stated that his department would have an opening that I could apply for in December or January...pity I will be thousands of miles away......I will call him when I return to see how lucky I am.
I called the police department and found out how to do a ride-along. I just need to call the night lieutenant and ask to fill out a waiver and get an interview. Anyone 18 years and older can do a ride-along, and most precincts encourage people to go. It helps to make relationships between the cops and the citizens....and lets people see what happens during a night on patrol. Im going to try to go to two or three different zones (downtown Atlanta is divided into six Zones.....Zone 4 is the "worst" and the one you see on "Cops" most often.....we'll just have to see how brave Im feeling, but I think I may try to go along in Zone 4 if they let me.) I have more bounty hunter calls on the agenda today....there are a few women that I want to talk to.....there is such a small number of female bail enforcement agents that Im happy I found a few to call. (Hopefully they will talk to me.)
Drama at work, drama, drama, drama. Too much to do on the job, too much to do in my personal life. Ghana will be a welcome relief--if only to have the time to do NOTHING after running around like a fool for three months. Ack.
Wednesday, September 18, 2002
Carl, Mr. tarot man, was very nice. I had emailed him before....he was hosting a conference in July before the author/speaker (Francesca de Grandis) suffered a horrible back injury and couldnt come. I loved the store his office was held in---Phenix and Dragon, this new-agey shop full of books and rocks and cds and cards and clothes and lots o good stuff. I was early, and since he knew me from the conference, he offered a 45 minute session for the price of a 30 minute one.
I told him that in my previous tarot readings, i was always disappointed. I would tell them limited information to test them, but the readings were always vague and unhelpful. I figured I would be upfront with Carl--I hate my job, Im moving to Ghana, Im looking into a career as a PI/bounty hunter/law enforcement without being a cop. He asked me to focus on a question, so the job hunt was the way to go. As I shuffled, I thought about if this was the right career for me...or if it was just another fickle interest that would fade in less than a year.....or if it would lead me someplace else. I cut the deck into three, and Carl chose the three cut cards first, then picked the cards off one of the piles for the spread.
Big cards. In the center position: Ten of wands...a card of being overwhelmed, about retreating, not a happy card. Strength crossed this card.....Carl stated that the masculine form of Strength was the Chariot....but the more feminine aspects were contained in the Strength card....usually more durable, more apt to bend rather than break....good in the face of whatever was making my current situation the ten of wands. Below the center cards: Ace of Pentacles reversed.....something about having a definate image of what I want do be...and it being conflicted with other aspects of the job (could very well be the Stephanie Plum character versus reality). To the left, in the past or recently past position: the Tower reversed. Carl said that my current job makes me very bored and unhappy. Yeah, I replied. I hate it. I hate my job. He said the Tower is usually an exciting card, but reversed---its not exciting. Its chaotic and unfulfilling. Amen to that. On top of the spread: Knight of Wands and on the right: Page of Wands. Carl focused on these two cards for a bit.....Pages are students, which definately sums up my current position. The Knight of Wands is all about action---movement---sometimes leaping before looking, whereas Pages usually follow a linear, calm path of their studies. He said there was a friction between wanting to just leap into it (total Me) and taking the time to learn about the job, being diligent, pulling back and really thinking about what Im doing and if Im satisfied with my career---if its my soul's calling.
The bottom of the column: Knight of Pentacles reversed. He had mentioned the Knight of Pentacles as a guardian card---its all about standing still, being a sentry...and again there was conflict between the Knight of Wands and that definate action, that hunger for excitement.......and the Knight of Pentacles with the calm, the standing still, the being quiet and guarded. This definately hits on the craving for something new and mildly dangerous versus security and financial success...................and my bouncing between being more social and chatty rather than retreating at home, wanting to be alone, to read and veg. Carl suggested meditating on these two cards....asking them what they were trying to teach me......how to find the balance between their sandpaper-ness within me.
The second card in the column: Wheel of Fortune reversed. Carl said that since it was reversed, he believed that this job wasnt my true calling. But that didnt mean that I wouldnt find my true calling during my search of this job. (Meaning, I wasnt discouraged hearing this in that I would stop my classes, my readings, my plans....but that I would just be more open to other things that came along the way.....) The third card: Page of Cups reversed. Again a student card----reversed means there is some talent I have that Im doubting----be it creativity, the willingness to try something completely new, whatever.....but I had some talent that I was avoiding or blocking when I had to get near it. The final card: Four of Pentacles reversed. This card was all about armor......certainly fitting with the career path at the moment. Carl's caution was that the man on the card is bogged down with armor, but he doesnt look happy. If I choose this career, I need to make sure that if Im wearing the armor, I need to be comfortable with it. (Physically or emotionally.....this very much triggered thoughts of guns....of the willingness to study and know martial arts.....to be able to cuff someone who is being uncooperate.....)
The three cut cards: Judgement, The Star and the six of Pentacles. Judgement is a good card. Ghana will completely change me and Judgement is all about being reborn, about possibilities. The Star is full of hope, seeing through the darkness. Six of Pentacles didnt do much for him intuitively....had something to do with money....I cant even remember now what he said.
All in all, I was satisfied with the reading. Carl mentioned somethings that I wouldnt have thought of (that this search for PI/Bounty hunterism is all tied up in my spritual training instead of being a competing force....that if I study both at the same time, they will probably start to coincide and weave into each other............he reinforced my notion to not be too freaked out by going to Ghana because it will all be good and fine) But the thing about tarot readings is that nothing is definitive. There is no one saying, "ok, do this, dont do this, do this and this, but avoid this." Its all loose and squishy.
Oh well.....it was an impulse purchase (same way the harlem globetrotters were when I got an email about them.....) but Im glad I went. It made me pull out my own cards, that had been so dusty and ignored for years now, and offer to read Jeremy's cards at a later date. It made me open to relaxing a bit about this career stuff.......that something will unfold slowly if I just pay attention, you know?
Tuesday, September 17, 2002
Many thanks to Kim & Paul for a wonderful dinner last night. Tons o garlic, masaman curry, wine and brownies.....(thanks Jeremy for making the brownies). Yum.
I have to play the trickery game with my insurance company so they will pay for part of my vaccinations. I told them I was going to school and needed measles/mumps/rhubella, polio and Hep A. If I go under the pretense of a normal check-up, they will cover all of those completely. If I go under the assumption that Im travelling, they cover nothing. So I have to go to two separate doctors, but it will save me over $150 if I dont have to pay for those three.
Oh well......so it goes.
Monday, September 16, 2002
Friday I got sick and didnt go to work. Pity, as it was busy and I could have made some good money. Saturday I worked at Noodle. Sunday we had a meeting at Noodle, I read, sat around the house and watched tv. Today is Monday. We're having dinner with friends (well, I am....Jeremy had to cancel and have dinner with a visiting africanist). Tomorrow Im having a tarot card reading. Wednesday I work. Thursday is a birthday/goodbye happy hour. Friday, Saturday and Sunday I work at Noodle. Busy week.
